It has been very quiet in this blog recently and it’s because photography suddenly became very meaningless. Tragedy has struck – my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer and now I am trying to accept that I will lose her. I have always considered myself as rather unemotional, maybe it’s something that runs in the family or maybe it’s just me, but I think that feelings get in the way of logical thinking so it’s best to avoid them. But when I heard about mother’s condition, I broke down and cried the whole day. It’s been three weeks now and we’re still waiting to hear from the doctors on how much time she has left, but her type of cancer is one of the most lethal ones and the patients typically only have a few months to live after diagnosis. The cancer was detected too late to be treatable so all she gets now is pain killers.
After the initial shock passed, I have calmed down. I always deal with bad news by ignoring them – I don’t mean that I pretend that they don’t exist, but just that I find other things to occupy my mind so the bad news can simmer under the surface and my sub-conscience can deal with them. It seems to be working because now I’m starting to get back to normal life and I even did a bit of scouting today for some photo ops. And I can also talk about the cancer with other people and not start crying every time.
I’m going to Finland in a couple of weeks, this trip was booked a few months ago already but the timing is perfect. It’s difficult to live in a different country when my mother is going through such a crisis, so I’m already planning to move to Finland temporarily when her condition gets worse.
And before my trip to Finland, I have a week’s vacation at the cabin, so that’s when I will finally pick up the camera again. Life goes on… it will never be the same again, but it goes on.2 comments
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