The Quiet Picture

Warning! A lot of Eurovision Song Contest talk will follow! You might want to check this instead.The ESC is just around the corner and I’m starting to get as interested in it as I was years ago before the old Eastern Block countries joined in. The new participants have now caught on the plot and given the contest the boost it badly needed. ESC is fun again, so I will do what I used to do back when - review the songs one by one. I will also go out on a limb and try to predict their success (or lack it of).

Semifinalists1. Armenia
Pop song with an Armenian touch. A bit tiresome though and I can’t bear to listen to it many times but I reckon it will be fine on the night, so it’s a finalist.
2. Bulgaria
Powerful mid-tempo pop with a Bulgarian touch, not too bad. Finalist.
3. Slovenia
It starts promisingly but goes downhill fast at the chorus. It is not without chances though. Finalist.
4. Andorra
4th in a row of mid-tempo songs (yes, the slow verse and fast chorus even out Slovenia’s entry!), which is a bit unfortunate. She’s got an attitude for sure but I think it takes more than that to qualify. It’s not a bad song though.
5. Belarus
Finally uptempo. I think she’s singing in English but it’s hard to tell. Not that it matters much, it’s not one of those songs where you pay much attention to the poetic values. Finalist.
6. Albania
Ethnic pop with a DIY music video, complete with dancing granddads by a rainy pool. I couldn’t possibly laugh more at their live performance, but hats off to Albania for participating! I guess they need the tourist Euros… but they could’ve at least tried to pick a sunny day for shooting the “video”!
7. Belgium
One of the things that many ESC enthusiasts lament is that there’s no longer any ethnically distinctive music in the competition, as it’s gravitating towards generic pop. Personally, even if I like the occasional ethnic touch (as proven by my comments here), I’m not sure how valid the argument is - for example, how ethnic has Belgium ever been? They have won with a pop song and they are participating with one this year. It’s an inane, bouncy pop song and honestly, I hope it bombs but it will probably do well. Finalist, even if I hope it won’t be. And it will do well in the final as well, even if I hope it won’t.
8. Ireland
A ballad from Ireland, surely not?! It’s not (unintentionally) funny like last year’s entry, too bad. Finalist, just because it’s an Irish ballad. I hope it won’t qualify though.
9. Cyprus
How much more fake can it get? I’ll take the Irish ballad any day over this. Null points if there’s any justice in the world! “When will it ever end”, she sings, and I can’t help but wonder the same about the song. A message of compassion has never brought out the homicidal tendencies out of me like this one. Horrible, really, really, horrible!
10. Monaco
The tiny Monaco sends a tiny little girl singing a tiny little pop song which I hope will get tiny little null points. It would probably have done really well back in the 80’s though.
11. F.Y.R. Macedonia
Ethnic pop. Not bad, not good. Next.
12. Poland
Err.. what?! But I did get a good laugh!
13. Russia
This is more like it! A melodic pop song, this is one of my favourites and also my winner candidates. Finalist for sure, I just hope that the western Europeans jump on the bandwagon and vote for Russia this time. ESC has always been bogged down by too much politics, do I dare to hope it will be more about the music this time?
14. Turkey
Sertab won with one of the best Eurovision songs ever. This year they try the same recipe, although without the talent, brilliance and the song. This is bad.
15. Ukraine
Another recent winner with no intentions of whatsoever to win again.
16. Finland
Go Lordi go! Like I wrote earlier, many people consider this a travesty, but I call it Hard Rock Hallelujah (even if it actually is much softer than their image). As long as we have entries like this in the competition, there is no risk that the ESC sings itself out of the music map as it did back in the 80’s and 90’s. Every year someone tries to be different but usually they only end up as the comic relief. That won’t happen to Lordi - I genuinely like the song. Finalist.
17. Netherlands
Made up language? Heavy percussion? People will probably be relieved to see a group of pretty girls after the monster show. I won’t.
18. Lithuania
This has got to be the worst song this year. Bad only begins to describe it! All you protest voters out there - Finland at least has a good song!
19. Portugal
From the top of my head, I can’t remember any Portuguese entries in the Eurovision history. Including this.
20. Sweden
This is so weird. Sweden has the most tradional Eurovision song this year, it’s really 1991 all over again minus a good song. It sounds out-of-place in this year’s company, but a finalist none the less.
21. Estonia
Another country dipping in past years’ successes - this is a straight “Runaway” clone, no ethno in sight, just a catchy pop song complete with an Abba rip. One of my favourites, it will be a huge hit in Sweden (helped along by a Swedish artist performing the song). Finalist.
22. Bosnia & Herzegovina
Time for a power ballad, hardly a surprise it comes from a Balkan state. Not my cup of tea really, even if I admit that it’s a good song. Finalist.
23. Iceland
I hope Europe won’t get the joke the wrong way! Personally, I dig it. Finalist.

Careful readers out there will have noticed that I have picked 12 finalists, although only 10 can go through. That’s because there’s two songs that I think will qualify, but I hope that they won’t.

Finalists:

1. Switzerland
After Celine Dion, Switzerland have mostly betrayed their fine Eurovision tradition and sent a bad song after another. This time at least they come up with a semi-decent song but the “world piece” theme is hopelessly passé.
2. Moldova
I reckon they got scared by the success last year. This time they’ve left the drum-beating granny at home, thus securing a low position in the contest.
3. Israel
Boring!
4. Latvia
Another country obviously dead set on not repeating last year’s success. They’re the only country doing acapella (first time in Eurovision history?) but it just doesn’t work for me.
5. Norway
Sometimes it’s a good thing to dip in the pool of past successes. Secret Garden it ain’t, but I likes it!
6. Spain
Las Ketchup? Please… no.
7. Malta
Malta had a classy ballad last year, finished runner-up and thus qualified directly for the final. This year they are sending euro-pop, see you in the semis next year.
8. Germany
Country music in the ESC! Glad that someone did that, since Sweden didn’t send Rednex. I’m just left wishing that the song was better. I mean it’s not bad, but… it’s not really good either. The Rednex style country would work much better than this middle of the road offering, it really doesn’t stand a chance. Just as well that their ticket to next year’s contest is guaranteed.
9. Denmark
Denmark squeezed in the pre-qualified pool and they are a serious competitor to qualify for next year as well!
10. Romania
Last year Romania finished 3rd with their Ruslana-copy. I didn’t like that one, and I don’t particularly like this one either. The song has all the elements needed for a decent pop song, but somehow it still doesn’t add up. Anonymous in my opinion, although a lot of people seem to disagree as this is regarded as a favourite by many.
11. United Kingdom
The British if anyone should know how to make pop music, so it’s a shame that they won’t do it especially now that everyone else does. Maybe they’re afraid of finding out that their best is not good enough for Europe anymore, so it’s safer to send a sure-fire loser, knowing that they have a permanent spot in the finals anyway? Absolutely no one will want to vote for this, other than Ireland probably.
12. Greece
I’m glad to see that Greece are not completely embarrassing Helena Paparizou but sent in a solid ballad. But, it’s not good enough. It will pre-qualify for next year though, as the combination of a host nation and a not-a-complete-stinker-of-a-song normally guarantees healthy points.
13. France
At least France are not going the UK way of participating with total shite, knowing that they have paid their way in for next year. But they can do oh so much better as well.
14. Croatia
Croatia pre-qualified thanks to Serbia-Montenegro dropping out from this year’s contest, but not even drop-outs will help them now.

Summary

What can I say, the best songs are in the semifinal pool and I reckon the final winner is one of them. I have a few personal favourites, but as yet I can’t see anyone who really sticks out from the crowd. Russia definitely has the best song, Iceland has the irony, Bosnia & Herzegovina has the ballad, Estonia has the bouncy pop (yes, I think it beats Belgium hands down) and Finland has the monster act. I will have to wait until I see them live, sometimes the songs get a complete transformation. For example, I didn’t peg “My Number One” as a winner until Helena had finished singing; the performance really lifted up the song. Some songs just simply work better on the night, and that’s what it comes down to.

The east Europeans have really taken the ESC to their heart, judging by the gusto with which they throw themselves at the competition. They don’t have the Eurovision baggage most of the western Europe seem to carry and this is often a blessing. The contest has become much more pop oriented and it can now be considered to be a viable platform for pan-European success, which I personally think is a good thing. The old style schlager-pop was fun for a time, but times change - and the ESC is most definitely changing. It’s all good!